So I said that I wanted you to follow me on my journey to wellness, but truth be told it’s been a little harder getting there than I had hoped. There have been many times I thought about writing a post but then thought “I don’t really want to convey this cheery appearance when I’m still feeling like crap; it doesn’t seem genuine and I’m definitely not proud enough of where I’m at right now to tell people that this is how I’m getting through it.”
Screw it, here it is: Yep, I went to acupuncture. Yep, went to therapy. Yep, joined the gym. Yep, got me one of those orange rock lights you plug into the wall. Yep, joined a weight loss program to lose the 51 pounds I’ve gained over the past year. Yep, meditated the hell out of that Calm App. Sounds like I’m on the right track, right? Well, the orange light bugs Nate at night and today was my 1st day at the gym. “But Missy, you said you bought the membership last summer…?” Yep, that’s right. Member of the Year over here.
But all joking aside, in my head, I failed. Since the last post, I did a back-slide. I let self-doubt overtake me and I allowed myself to get derailed from any and all plans to be healthy, productive, and focused on recovering from depression. But hey–more now than ever,
I have realized that just showing up is the paramount of what matters when it comes to mental health recovery.
Because this is true, I am picking myself back up and moving forward. Only this time, I have systems in place to ensure success. And since the beginning of the year, I have made it my goal to better myself and cultivate a life in which I am not only participating, but actively creating.
The Wake-Up Call
The panic-inducing shock that I needed to do so came on New Year’s Eve when, like every year, I recap on the events of the past 365 days. After taking a long look at my life in 2018, I was sad to find that my lack of notable events forced me to include “changed my hair color” on my list of what I did this year and I thought to myself: “this is pathetic”. Now I know that that isn’t very nice to say, but I had to look at myself in the mirror and begrudgingly admit that I had allowed myself to become a passenger in my own life. Who’s driving? Not me, friend. Falling into a hole of self-loathing, pity, and hopelessness, I became obsessed with figuring out the root of, the trigger for and every which way to help “pull me out” of this horrific pattern of negative thoughts and self-doubt.
I had officially gone an entire calendar year suffering from depression, panic disorder, OCD, and PTSD. Obviously what I was doing wasn’t working (what was I doing?), and now I knew I didn’t want to be the girl who includes “dyed her hair pink” in her “what I did this year” list. As superficial a wake-up call as that was, I knew that was not who I am, not what I’ve worked hard to be, and definitely not what I envisioned for myself in terms of personal success at this point in my life.
Just a Phrase
You know you hear the words “living intentionally” and you’re probably thinking “yeah, that’s cute…is that on the bumper sticker next to your “live, laugh, love” magnet? But I’ll tell ya, it means a hell of a lot more when you define the phrase by what it isn’t. It isn’t going along with the crowd, waiting for others to make plans, isolating oneself when feeling bad, remaining regretfully uninvolved, unmotivated, and unwilling to get your ass off the couch.
Well, when I decided to start looking for ways to inspire, organize, and provide myself some accountability measures, I searched for tools that would help me to intentionally plan for good things to happen in my life. I found several I’m toying with right now and there’s a few I’m really excited about.
Today (being the first day I “officially” started going to the gym) is the day I felt marked a significant change in me and the start of something positive, consistent, and integral in helping me continue on my path to self-improvement and happiness. I needed some type of “starting point” to inspire me to keep writing and I’m happy it’s finally arrived.
Starting a Conversation
I’ve got a bunch of things to share with you on how my outlook has shifted in the past 30 days and what made it do so. I’m excited to share what I’ve learned in the meantime and hopefully start a conversation that unfortunately seems to be “taboo” in today’s society.
So, I’m asking for your help–I want to hear your stories, what you’ve experienced, what’s worked for you and what hasn’t, how you manage to remain positive, how you deal with stress and anxiety, what good advice have you heard, what phrase has stopped and made you reflect, what you do to stay motivated and productive, and everything in between. Let’s help each other out!
Write me below (or on Facebook or Instagram if that’s more your thing)! I would love to hear your experiences, advice, or anything else on the topic.
As always, I appreciate your support more than you know.