The Beginning…Again

 

So I said that I wanted you to follow me on my journey to wellness, but truth be told it’s been a little harder getting there than I had hoped. There have been many times I thought about writing a post but then thought “I don’t really want to convey this cheery appearance when I’m still feeling like crap; it doesn’t seem genuine and I’m definitely not proud enough of where I’m at right now to tell people that this is how I’m getting through it.”

Screw it, here it is: Yep, I went to acupuncture. Yep, went to therapy. Yep, joined the gym. Yep, got me one of those orange rock lights you plug into the wall. Yep, joined a weight loss program to lose the 51 pounds I’ve gained over the past year. Yep, meditated the hell out of that Calm App. Sounds like I’m on the right track, right? Well, the orange light bugs Nate at night and today was my 1st day at the gym. “But Missy, you said you bought the membership last summer…?” Yep, that’s right. Member of the Year over here.

But all joking aside, in my head, I failed. Since the last post, I did a back-slide. I let self-doubt overtake me and I allowed myself to get derailed from any and all plans to be healthy, productive, and focused on recovering from depression. But hey–more now than ever,

I have realized that just showing up is the paramount of what matters when it comes to mental health recovery.

Because this is true, I am picking myself back up and moving forward. Only this time, I have systems in place to ensure success. And since the beginning of the year, I have made it my goal to better myself and cultivate a life in which I am not only participating, but actively creating.

The Wake-Up Call

The panic-inducing shock that I needed to do so came on New Year’s Eve when, like every year, I recap on the events of the past 365 days. After taking a long look at my life in 2018, I was sad to find that my lack of notable events forced me to include “changed my hair color” on my list of what I did this year and I thought to myself: “this is pathetic”. Now I know that that isn’t very nice to say, but I had to look at myself in the mirror and begrudgingly admit that I had allowed myself to become a passenger in my own life. Who’s driving? Not me, friend. Falling into a hole of self-loathing, pity, and hopelessness, I became obsessed with figuring out the root of, the trigger for and every which way to help “pull me out” of this horrific pattern of negative thoughts and self-doubt.

I had officially gone an entire calendar year suffering from depression, panic disorder, OCD, and PTSD. Obviously what I was doing wasn’t working (what was I doing?), and now I knew I didn’t want to be the girl who includes “dyed her hair pink” in her “what I did this year” list. As superficial a wake-up call as that was, I knew that was not who I am, not what I’ve worked hard to be, and definitely not what I envisioned for myself in terms of personal success at this point in my life.

Just a Phrase

You know you hear the words “living intentionally” and you’re probably thinking “yeah, that’s cute…is that on the bumper sticker next to your “live, laugh, love” magnet? But I’ll tell ya, it means a hell of a lot more when you define the phrase by what it isn’t. It isn’t going along with the crowd, waiting for others to make plans, isolating oneself when feeling bad, remaining regretfully uninvolved, unmotivated, and unwilling to get your ass off the couch.

Well, when I decided to start looking for ways to inspire, organize, and provide myself some accountability measures, I searched for tools that would help me to intentionally plan for good things to happen in my life. I found several I’m toying with right now and there’s a few I’m really excited about.

Today (being the first day I “officially” started going to the gym) is the day I felt marked a significant change in me and the start of something positive, consistent, and integral in helping me continue on my path to self-improvement and happiness. I needed some type of “starting point” to inspire me to keep writing and I’m happy it’s finally arrived.

Starting a Conversation

I’ve got a bunch of things to share with you on how my outlook has shifted in the past 30 days and what made it do so. I’m excited to share what I’ve learned in the meantime and hopefully start a conversation that unfortunately seems to be “taboo” in today’s society.

So, I’m asking for your help–I want to hear your stories, what you’ve experienced, what’s worked for you and what hasn’t, how you manage to remain positive, how you deal with stress and anxiety, what good advice have you heard, what phrase has stopped and made you reflect, what you do to stay motivated and productive, and everything in between. Let’s help each other out!

Write me below (or on Facebook or Instagram if that’s more your thing)! I would love to hear your experiences, advice, or anything else on the topic.

As always, I appreciate your support more than you know.

 

6 Comments on The Beginning…Again

  1. Ivette
    January 29, 2019 at 7:42 am (3 months ago)

    I feel like I’m right there along with you. I hope you find support in your online community. We are here for you.

    • Missy Damon
      January 29, 2019 at 6:48 pm (3 months ago)

      Thank you, Ivette 🙂 Your support means a lot and I am sending you positive vibes.
      x
      Missy

  2. Kendra
    January 29, 2019 at 6:47 pm (3 months ago)

    I’ve also recently made a change in my life. I’m getting older and have realized that keeping relationships that don’t make me happy or only one sided aren’t for me. Life’s too short to waste time spending it with people who don’t appreciate you or who don’t inspire you. Keeping a good set of friends has really helped me stay positive. Also doing more for me like exercising on my own terms, reading, and spending more time with the people I care about doing the things I want to do. But first and foremost putting my feelings and what’s best for me first. I’m so happy you are starting to feel the way you deserve to feel. I love reading your blog. You inspire me. ❤️

  3. Riki
    January 29, 2019 at 7:28 pm (3 months ago)

    In March of last year I had my first panic attack which resulted in 24 hr/day 7 days/week anxiety attacks. I was constantly on the verge of panic. Couldn’t even look at the word “anxiety” without it inducing an attack. It was brutal. I saw a psychiatrist after two months of trying to deal with it naturally. He described it as a transient phenomenon (luckily he was right, it “cleared up” after 8-9 months of meds and self help). Anyway, alongside that, I found that actually going to yoga classes helped a TON – specifically classes called “restorative yoga”. The ones I went to started with some basic yoga stretches and the latter half of the class was using props to lay in positions that relaxed the body. My heart rate got down to the low 50s lol I was so so relaxed after. I tried meditation with the apps but I’m too distracted at home. In class theyd dim the lights, talk you through breathing and meditation, and then usually id fall asleep lol. Therapy helps immensely too and I see that you’re doing that. Distracting yourself is great too. If you’re getting caught up in your head, go bowling or something (that was my go to), meet up with a friend, etc. Obviously everyone is different and I am so sorry you are dealing with this but you’ll eventually find the concoction of self care that fits for you. Sounds like you’re already off to a great start! You got this!!

  4. Allee Hammer
    January 29, 2019 at 8:25 pm (3 months ago)

    You are so talented! I love reading your blog. The honesty of your writing is so relatable to me and I’m sure so many others. I know I have been there and struggled to find ways out of my funk, too. I think being able to acknowledge it and talk openly about it helped me the most. I found an amazing counselor and found that my sessions with her really opened my mind to what was happening around me, what I could change and what I couldn’t. The most inspiring quote I’ve seen lately was about a woman debating on whether to go back to school or not… she was stating that by the time she finished she would be 40…. her friend said “The time is going to pass anyway; wouldn’t you rather be 40 with a degree than 40 without one?” And that really spoke to me! Sending positive vibes and love to you. Xoxoxo

  5. Taylor
    January 29, 2019 at 9:03 pm (3 months ago)

    Hey Missy, so sorry to hear you’ve been going through this and I think you’re amazing for speaking out and paving your road out of depression. Something I read recently by my favorite fitness guru, Anna Kaiser, really resonated with me. She talked about how we should exercise and eat right and treat ourselves well because we LOVE ourselves – not because we pick apart all of the things we hate about ourselves. Don’t eat the salad bc you hate your hips, eat the salad bc you love Yourself and know what you have to do to be the best version of you. Anyway, can’t wait to read more about your journey and I’m here anytime you want a friend. Good luck, girl!

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